Divorce is rarely a walk in the park. It can be emotional, exhausting, heartbreaking and even depressing. But it can also turn nasty if one or both of you can’t find a mutually agreeable way forward.
Here are some tips on what do if your divorce gets nasty.
Acknowledge Your Part
Remember the old adage of it takes two to tango – there are 2 people in a relationship the actions of both of you have consequences and reactions.
Always putting the blame on each other or denying you played any part in a particular situation or the demise of your relationship is not going to help you move on.
Recognise Each Other’s Emotions
Many reactions from your ex are bound to be affected by their emotions.
Divorce is one of the most stressful situations you can experience and you’re both going to be experiencing a whole spectrum of emotions.
Recognise that some actions or words from your ex are being driven by emotions rather than rationality and try not to let these overcome your ability to make logical decisions.
The same applies to your reactions and emotions too.
Stick To Written Communications
If your divorce is turning nasty, make a conscious decision to stick to written methods of communication.
This way, you’ll have a record of everything that has been said between you, should you need to rely on it in the future.
It negates the issue of ‘he said she said’ and makes it very clear who said what and when.
There are some really useful apps to assist communications after a relationship breakdown, like Divvito.
Check Your Responses Before Sending
When you’re communicating in writing you have an opportunity to check everything you’re saying before you actually send it.
You should re-read everything you write before sending or get someone you trust to read your intended communications and give you their take on what you’re saying and how you’re saying it.
If you’re speaking on the phone or face to face, it’s much harder to screen what you’re communicating, especially if emotion rather than logic is driving you.
Don’t Let Their Behaviour Dictate Yours
It’s so easy to get into a game of tit for tat. He did this so I’m going to do that. She didn’t do this so I’m not going to do that.
When one person is playing nasty in your divorce, don’t let their behaviour affect yours. You can’t control what anyone else does, but you can control how you react to it.
Focus On The Children
If you have children, make them the focus of your attention.
Don’t give your ex the attention they’re seeking when they start playing nasty.
Instead, make sure that everything you do is for the good of your children and try to shield them from seeing how your ex is behaving.
We can’t go through these tough times alone. Lean on your family and friends when you need to and allow them to support you through the challenges you’re facing.
Call them for a chat, ask them if they can pop round, or meet you somewhere for a drink and some moral support.
Sound off on them if things are becoming particularly tricky and get their advice or opinions.
Or just ask them to hang out – a bit of company can do wonders for just about anyone.
Need a divorce mediation specialist in Perth to help you avoid a nasty divorce?
Get in touch online now or call Ian on 0418 928 448.