When it comes to how to get through grief during your divorce, there’s no set path you can take. Each person grieves differently and takes a different amount of time to work through their stages of grief.
However, there are some things you can do to help you along the process. Here are some top tips from family mediator in Perth, Ian Shann, on how to get through grief during your divorce.
How To Get Through Grief During Your Divorce
Acknowledge The End Of The Relationship
Accepting the end of the relationship is the starting point to get you through your grief during and after your divorce. Enduring the grieving process is unavoidable. It will be an unpleasant period in which you will feel a wide range of emotions, such as pain, anger, sadness, loneliness and a sense of anxiety about the future.
Don’t fight or supress these feelings, they are all normal and are to be expected. In fact, welcome them, because once you see them off and acknowledge the end of your relationship the healing process can truly begin. We are all different and deal with life’s blows in our own individual ways.
Be Kind To Yourself
Self-care is vital to heal the soul. Reduce your stress load, eat well, and get enough exercise and sleep.
Put some pleasure into your life by doing whatever that may please you. Listen to music, treat yourself to a trip, take that course, learn a new skill or join a club. Perhaps it’s time to meet some new friends or catch up with some old ones you may have neglected.
While you’re doing all that, you are giving yourself more time to heal.
Have A Support Network
There has never been a better time to lean on your closest friends and family than right now. Choose your support network carefully and avoid those that judge you or is stuck in their own past. Just being around positive minded people and focusing on the future is critical to your healing process.
Perhaps you have friends or family members who have been through a divorce themselves and can share with you how they dealt with their emotions and what you could expect. But beware those who are still stuck in the past and want to tell you about how awful their ex is.
Remain socially active and do not isolate yourself.
Set A New Routine
After any divorce, most routines and habits are disrupted for the whole family creating more anxiety and stress all round.
If you have children it can compound the problem. By restoring or setting new routines, some form of normality can return into your and their lives. These could be set eating times, bed times or any other family traditions or customs.
Avoid Negative Coping Mechanisms
Try to avoid excessive alcohol, junk-food, over or under eating and keep well away from illicit drugs.
While they may numb your pain and your senses temporarily, they will not solve any problem and do your system no good. The same goes for gambling and the so-called retail therapy, none of which will do your finances any good.
Discover New Interests
Perhaps this is the ideal time for you to do something you always wanted to do but never had the time or effort to do so. Put some variety into your life and look to discover new interests or fun activities to get you out of your rut.
Spending time with other people can give you something to look forward to, as well as spark off a new interest in your life, be it sport, social or community related activities. The main objective is for you to start enjoying life.
Try Journaling Your Emotions
After a divorce many people find themselves in a constant state of anxiety and confusion, unable to gather their thoughts and emotions, while their minds are all over the place. Journaling your emotions by converting them into words can be therapeutic.
Pick a time when your head is clear or when you are feeling lonely to diarize your thoughts and emotions. Write down exactly as you feel them; nobody else will read them. Reading them at a later date may also help you to track your progress. You may be amazed how far you have come without realising it.
Get Professional Help
If you gave it your best shot and you are still struggling, that is also ok.
There is no need to continue beating yourself up, particularly if you have small children to care for. Professional help is only a call or a click away. Find a counsellor who will help you work through your divorce grief and ultimately help you to move on.
Relationships WA is a good place to start when looking for help with your relationship.
Are you going through a divorce and need to finalise your financial matters or arrangements for your kids? Ian is an accredited family mediator in Perth and can help you and your ex to come to an amicable agreement about how to move on with your lives after divorce.
Family mediation fees are a fraction of the cost of family lawyers and fighting for months or years through the courts.
Get in touch with Ian now on 0418 928 448.