Knowing how to help a friend going through divorce can be difficult. Divorce can bring grief, uncertainty, anger, loneliness and a huge amount of practical change. And there isn’t always a simple thing you can say or do to make it better. Sometimes, the most valuable support is simply being there.

As a family mediator in Perth, I’ve helped hundreds of couples separate over the years, as well as gone through my own divorce, so I’ve put together my tips on how you can help a friend going through a divorce.

When someone you care about is going through a divorce or separation it’s natural to want to fix things for them. But divorce is a deeply personal experience and what your friend needs can change from one day to the next.

Sometimes they’ll want to talk. Other times they’ll want a distraction. They might need practical help one week and emotional support the next. The key is to stay present, listen to what they need and avoid making assumptions about how they should be handling their separation.

If you’re wondering how to help a friend through their divorce, remember that you don’t need to have all the answers. Being a reliable, compassionate and non-judgemental friend can make a significant difference while they adjust to life after separation.

How To Help A Friend Through Their Divorce: What To Do

Listen Actively

One of the most valuable things you can do to help a friend going through divorce is simply to listen. You don’t need to offer advice, solutions or opinions. Give them space to talk about what’s happening and let them express whatever they’re feeling without worrying that you’ll judge them.

Try to listen without immediately turning the conversation towards your own experiences. Ask questions such as, “How are you doing with everything?” or “What do you need from me right now?” Sometimes your friend may repeat themselves or revisit the same worries several times. That’s understandable when they’re processing a major life change. Being someone who genuinely listens can give them a safe place to let some of that emotional weigh out.

Check In Often

Don’t assume that your friend will always reach out when they need support. Someone going through a divorce may feel overwhelmed, embarrassed, lonely or simply too exhausted to ask for help.

Instead, make a habit of checking in. Send a message, make a phone call or pop in for a coffee. You don’t need to have a serious conversation every time. Even a simple “Thinking of you – how are you doing today?” can mean a lot.

Keep checking in after the initial separation too. Friends and family often rally around someone when a relationship first ends, but support can disappear once the immediate crisis has passed. Divorce can be a long process and consistent friendship can be incredibly reassuring.

Get Them Out The House

When you’re going through a divorce, it can be surprisingly easy to spend days at home, particularly if you’re feeling sad, exhausted or overwhelmed. While your friend may genuinely need some quiet time, getting out of the house can provide a welcome change of scenery.

You don’t need to organise anything elaborate. Invite them for a coffee, suggest a walk, go for lunch, visit a market or simply take the dog for a walk together. If they’re not feeling particularly social, keep it low-key.

The goal isn’t to force them to “have fun” or pretend everything is fine. It’s about helping them maintain some connection with the outside world while they’re adjusting to their new circumstances.

Include Them In Plans, Especially Around Holidays

Being newly separated can make social events and holidays particularly difficult. Your friend may suddenly find themselves without a partner at events where they previously always attended as a couple. They may also be working out new arrangements for their children, which can make birthdays, Christmas and school holidays emotionally complicated.

Continue inviting them. Don’t assume they’ll be uncomfortable because they’re single or separated.

At the same time, give them an easy way to say no. They may not be ready for a particular event, and that’s OK. Let them know they’re welcome without putting pressure on them. Sometimes simply knowing they’ve got somewhere to go can make a difficult period feel much less lonely.

Comfort Them

There will be days when your friend simply feels awful, and there may not be anything you can do to change that. That’s when comfort matters more than advice.

Let them cry. Sit with them. Give them a hug if they’re comfortable with physical affection. Make them a cup of tea. Remind them that it’s OK to have difficult days.

Avoid phrases such as “Everything happens for a reason” or “You’ll find someone better”. Even when it’s intended to be reassuring, these kinds of phrases can sometimes make someone feel as though their grief is being dismissed.

Instead, acknowledge what they’re going through. Saying “I’m really sorry you’re having such a hard day” can be much more comforting than trying to put a positive spin on the situation.

Surprise Them

Small surprises can be a lovely way to show someone you’re thinking about them without making their divorce the centre of every interaction.

Drop their favourite takeaway around for dinner. Leave some flowers at their door. Send them a funny meme. Bring them coffee on your way to work. Organise an impromptu movie night.

The gesture doesn’t need to cost money or require a huge amount of effort. In fact, the simplest things can have the biggest impact because they remind your friend that they’re still surrounded by people who care about them.

Divorce can sometimes make someone feel as though their identity has become defined by their separation. A thoughtful surprise can be a small reminder that they’re still your friend, not simply someone going through a divorce.

Help Them Around The House

Divorce isn’t just emotionally exhausting. There’s often an enormous amount of practical work involved too. Your friend may be dealing with lawyers, paperwork, finances, moving house, parenting arrangements and changes to their daily routine.

If they’re struggling to keep up with everyday tasks, offer some practical help. You could mow the lawn, help them pack boxes, bring over a meal, do a grocery shop or help with the children.

Be specific rather than saying, “Let me know if you need anything.” Someone who’s overwhelmed may not know what to ask for. Saying, “I’m doing a grocery shop tomorrow – send me your list and I’ll pick it up” gives them an easy opportunity to accept help.

Make Sure They’re Practising Self-Care

Self-care can easily fall to the bottom of the list during a divorce. Your friend may be dealing with sleepless nights, emotional stress, financial concerns and significant changes to their routine.

Encourage the basics: eating properly, getting enough sleep, exercising, spending time outside and maintaining some structure in their day. You can make this easier by doing these things together. Go for a walk, cook dinner together or book a Pilates class.

Be careful not to turn self-care into another source of pressure. They don’t need to emerge from their divorce looking and feeling like a completely new person. The aim is simply to help them look after themselves while they navigate a difficult period.

How To Help A Friend Through Their Divorce: What Not To Do

Don’t Gossip About Their Ex

Your friend may tell you things about their former partner that are private, upsetting or difficult to hear. Even if you’re angry on your friend’s behalf, resist the temptation to share those details with other people.

Divorce can involve sensitive financial, parenting and personal issues and gossip can make an already difficult situation much worse. Your friend needs to know they can trust you with what they tell you.

This is particularly important if you live in a small community or share social circles with their former partner. You don’t want something said in confidence to make its way back to either person and create further conflict.

Be their safe place, not a source of drama.

Don’t Take Sides

It’s natural to feel protective of your friend, particularly if you’ve seen them hurt. But even if you know every aspect of the relationship and separation, it’s usually best not to position yourself firmly on one side.

Your role as a friend isn’t to decide who’s right and who’s wrong. You can support your friend without agreeing with everything they say or becoming involved in their disputes.

This is particularly important when children are involved. Remaining calm and neutral can help your friend focus on what matters rather than becoming caught up in arguments with their former partner.

You can say, “I’m here for you, whatever happens,” without needing to declare a winner.

Don’t Badmouth Their Ex, Especially If They Share Children

You might have plenty to say about your friend’s ex, particularly if you’ve heard about some of the difficulties in the relationship. However, badmouthing their former partner can put your friend in an uncomfortable position, especially when they have children together.

Children need the freedom to love and have relationships with both parents without feeling that they have to take sides. Negative comments about a parent can also put children in the middle of adult conflict.

If your friend needs to vent, listen without adding fuel to the fire. You can acknowledge their feelings without making inflammatory comments about their ex. Supporting your friend doesn’t require you to attack someone else.

Don’t Compare Their Situation To Others

Every divorce is different. One friend might have an amicable separation and remain close to their former partner, while another may be dealing with intense conflict. One person may move out immediately, while another remains living under the same roof for months.

Avoid telling your friend how their divorce “should” look based on someone else’s experience.

Comments such as “My sister was divorced and she was fine within six months” or “My friend got everything sorted really quickly” can unintentionally make your friend feel as though they’re handling their own situation badly.

There’s no universal timeline for separation or divorce. Let your friend have their own experience and progress at their own pace.

Don’t Judge Them

Your friend may make decisions you wouldn’t make yourself. They may change their mind about something, reconcile temporarily, struggle to set boundaries or find themselves having difficult conversations with their former partner.

Unless there’s an immediate safety concern, try to avoid judging their choices.

People going through divorce are often dealing with complicated emotions and circumstances that aren’t visible to everyone around them. What looks like an obvious decision from the outside may be much more complicated when you’re living through it.

You can ask thoughtful questions and encourage them to seek appropriate professional advice without making them feel criticised. Your friendship should feel like a safe space, particularly when everything else feels uncertain.

Don’t Avoid Them

Sometimes friends don’t know what to say to someone going through a divorce, so they say nothing at all. Unfortunately, disappearing can make an already lonely experience feel even more isolating.

You don’t need to have the perfect words. A simple message saying, “I don’t really know what to say, but I want you to know I’m here” can be enough.

Don’t worry about making every interaction about their separation either. Talk about ordinary things. Send them funny stories, invite them out and remind them that life continues beyond the divorce.

Your friend is still the same person you’ve always known, even though they’re going through a major life change.

Don’t Rush Them To Get Things Finalised

There’s no correct timeline for getting over a marriage or long-term relationship. Your friend might feel ready to date again quickly, or they might have no interest in another relationship for a very long time.

Avoid telling them it’s time to move on, get back on the dating apps or “get back out there”. They need to process their own experience and decide when they’re ready for the next chapter.

Moving forward doesn’t necessarily mean finding another partner. It can mean rebuilding confidence, creating a new routine, adjusting to co-parenting or simply becoming comfortable with their new life.

The best way to help a friend going through divorce is to allow them to move forward at their own pace while reminding them that they don’t have to do it alone.

Other Ways You Can Support A Friend After Separation

Encourage Them To Get Professional Support

Friends can provide invaluable emotional support, but there are some things you simply can’t resolve over a coffee. If your friend is struggling with the legal, financial or parenting aspects of separation, encourage them to get appropriate professional advice.

Depending on their circumstances, this might include speaking with a family lawyer, financial adviser, counsellor or family mediator. Getting the right support early can help prevent small disagreements from becoming much larger disputes.

If children are involved, professional support can also help parents focus on practical parenting arrangements rather than becoming caught up in the conflict between them.

You don’t need to solve the problem for your friend. Sometimes, helping them find the right person to speak to is one of the most useful things you can do.

Knowing how to help a friend through their divorce isn’t about having all the answers or fixing their problems. It’s about being present, listening without judgement, offering practical support and reminding them that they’re still surrounded by people who care.

Remember that your friend probably doesn’t need you to make everything better. They need someone who’ll keep showing up.

If you’re separating or divorcing in Western Australia and need help resolving parenting or property matters, family mediation can provide a structured environment to work towards an agreement without putting every decision in the hands of a court.

At Move On Mediation, Ian Shann provides family mediation in Perth and across Western Australia, helping separating couples work through difficult issues and find practical solutions for their future.

If you’d like to discuss your circumstances, contact Ian for a confidential and obligation-free discussion about how family mediation may help you move forward.

You don’t have to have everything worked out before you make the call – that’s what the conversation is for.